REEL SNARKY

Apr 16

Time to cry forever: Chloe Grace Moretz stars in weepy first trailer for IF I STAY

No, but really. 

If I Stay tells the story of Mia (Moretz) after she is put into a coma following a devastating accident. She wakes up, but not in the traditional sense: her spirit wakes up, causing a heavy out of body experience. She wanders around, able to see and hear the horrid aftermath of the accident (like ,for instance, that both her parents are dead), flitting in and out of flashbacks that tell her story up to that fateful day. 

Based on the YA novel of the same name, If I Stay asks the question: when do you know when to fight and when to give up? If you knew you were waking up to a world more devastating than you could ever imagine, would you take the easy way out and let go, or would you stay in spite of all that hurt you knew was waiting for you? 

Find out this summer, if you can function through your tears.

If I Stay hits theaters August 22. 

Apr 15

Watch the trailer for Jenny Slate’s hilarious OBVIOUS CHILD

Hooray to Jenny Slate in more things! 

Obvious Child stars Slate as a stand-up comedian who, after a rough breakup, has a one night stand that results in a whoopsiedaisies pregnancy. She decides to get an abortion, but not before telling the uber-conservative stranger that knocked her up. 

The film also stars Jake Lacy (The Office), Gaby Hoffman (Girls), David Cross (Arrested Development) and more.  

Looks hilarious! 

Apr 14

Watch the first trailer for Fincher and Affleck’s murder mystery GONE GIRL

image

Behold, the first trailer for David Fincher and Ben Affleck’s moody adaptation of the hit novel Gone Girl.*

*The trailer has been removed from YouTube, so click here to watch it via Apple trailers.*

The trailer itself is a short teaser, but it’s exquisite. You get a real sense of the film’s dark nature and classic Fincher style.

Ben Affleck looks to be in rare form as Nick Dunne, the husband whose wife has suspiciously gone missing on the eve of their fifth anniversary. Secrets unravel, clues are revealed, and Nick finds himself in the middle of a media frenzy accusing him of being a wife-killer. 

The film looks stellar, spooky, and downright great. 

I can’t wait to not read this book in advance so I don’t know at all what’s happening and am thoroughly surprised at the inevitable twist ending! 

Gone Girl hits theaters October 3. 

Tommy Lee Jones and Hilary Swank take a cowboy road trip in THE HOMESMAN trailer

The Homesman, Jones’ second directorial effort, centers around Mary Bee Cuddy (Hilary Swank), a woman determined to transport three mentally ill women across the barren American midwest to Iowa with the help of a recently saved-from-the-brink-of-death (thanks to Swank) crotchety old cowboy (Tommy Lee Jones).

The film also stars Meryl Streep, Miranda Otto, John Lithgow, Tim Blake Nelson, James Spader, Hailee Steinfeld, Jesse Plemons, William Fichtner and more. 

Actually looks pretty darn good! 

Watch Conan’s star-studded ‘50 Cameos’ opener from the 2014 MTV MOVIE AWARDS

Nailed it. 

I actually didn’t watch the MTV Movie Awards because I was busy with better things to do (like watch THAT Game of Thrones episode). 

But here’s this, which is obviously the best thing that has ever happened to the MTV Movie Awards. 

Apr 10

[video]

That was fast: CBS announces Stephen Colbert to replace David Letterman as THE LATE SHOW host

In the Wait, hold up, what in the what? portion of today’s news, CBS has already announced that Stephen Colbert will officially be taking over The Late Show when David Letterman retires next year. 

Huh?

Speculation hit fever pitch immediately upon Letterman’s announcement that he’ll be leaving in 2015, with Colbert’s name quickly rising to the top of the list of possible replacements. 

It’s not that I don’t think Colbert is a greatly funny, intensely smart guy and a good late night farcical TV show host. He’s wonderful. But I don’t know that he’s really the right choice to fill Dave’s shoes. 

Aside from feeling like Colbert’s humor and general rapport with others isn’t the exact vibe I would want for a Late Show host (there is a time and a place for Colbert’s style, and that place is not CBS late night), it’s also incredibly disheartening to think that there was likely no chance in hell that ANY woman had any chance to take over the franchise. I know Chelsea Handler’s name was bounced around, but PLEASE. That would have been a bigger mistake than NBC keeping Jay Leno around well past his expiration date. If it wouldn’t take them away from gigs that are already are so plentiful and successful, the likes of Ellen DeGeneres, Tina Fey, Tig Notaro, or Amy Sedaris (wouldn’t that have been THE BOMB?!) would have been perfect candidates. 

Did I really think they would be so bold to hire a talented woman to fill his shoes? No. And perhaps that’s actually the problem: I live in a world where I can hope and talk ad nauseum about what a huge step it would be to hire a woman to take over, but deep down it’s like I don’t really believe it’s an actual possibility. And that. Is. Depressing. 

So, whether you are excited or pissed that Colbert is taking over for David Letterman, it doesn’t really matter because we’re going to be stuck with him for the next 5 years! 

Apr 09

Watch the Braff-iest trailer ever for Zach Braff’s WISH I WAS HERE

In the wake of movie stars getting fans to Kickstart movies and then pay for those movies yet again when the hit theaters, here is the first trailer for Zach Braff’s Wish I Was Here. It’s the indie flick he famously Kickstarted about a year ago, and got a whole bunch of his friends to help him make it. It stars Kate Hudson, Donald Faison (obvs), Mandy Patinkin, Ashley Green, Joey King and more. 

If it was sort of hard to tell by the overwhelming tweeness of the trailer (it is so very Garden State reminiscent, yes?), here’s the plot: a single father has to resort to homeschooling his kids when he can no longer afford private school. And I guess one of them is sick? Or just wanted to shave her head. Regardless, I’m sure it’s something sort of emo but aww-inducing. And his dad is dying? And Kate Hudson is there. 

There’s only a few lines of dialogue in the whole trailer, as the natural choice was to lay in a Shins song over the whole thing. I mean, it IS a Zach Braff film, no?

Wish I Was Here hits theaters this July and will either be as delightfully heartwarming and fuzzy-feeling-inducing as Garden State, or it will be painfully mediocre. We’ll see. 

Apr 08

HBO obviously confirms GAME OF THRONES seasons 5 and 6

Not really much to report here except NO SHIT. 

HBO confirmed today that the wildly popular Game of Thrones has been renewed for not only the 5th but also the 6th seasons. So, we’re good to go as far as fantasy fun and fucking for at least the next two years! Thanks, BO!

Apr 04

JURASSIC WORLD: the casting news keeps coming in

So because it’s Friday and because I love dinosaurs, here’s a quick rundown of all the casting news that’s trickled in for Jurassic World, the fourth installment in the best dinosaur movie franchise ever. 

Just announced cast members joining the dino ruckus: Judy Greer (13 Going on 30, like, every rom-com ever); Katie McGrath (Merlin); and Lauren Lapkus (Orange is the New Black). They join an already super impressive lineup: Jake Johnson (New Girl), Idris Elba (Luther), Chris Pratt (Parks and Rec), Bryce Howard (Lady in the Water), Vincent D’Onofrio (Law & Order: CI), Irrfan Khan (Life of Pi), Omar Sy (from the upcoming X-Men: Days of Future Past), Nick Robinson (Melissa & Joey), and BD Wong (Law & Order: SVU). 

Like I said. Quite a cast indeed. These humans and all  your favorite dinos are set to hit theaters June 12, 2015. 

Scarlett Johansson will kick your ass (maybe take over the world) in LUCY trailer

Classic Besson. 

Scarlett Johansson stars in Lucy, an action-packed thriller in which she becomes a super human. Like, SUPER super. 

Story starts like any other: sexy lady waking up in a hotel room with no memory of the night before in which she was kidnapped and had a bag of drugs sewn into her stomach, forcing her to be a drug mule for some thugs (da fuck?). 

After getting the shit beat out of her the drugs start to leak into her bloodstream, but SURPRISE they are not regular drugs, they are super drugs, and now she’s a wicked smart/fast/strong/lethal woman on a mission. 

I thought this was just going to be a cool girl-turned-assassin thriller, but this drug looks like it gives her magical powers. Seems interesting. And Luc Besson! Hello. Yes. 

Apr 03

Late night king David Letterman announces retirement in 2015

image

After 32 years on late night TV, David Letterman has announced that he’ll be retiring when his current contract with CBS’ The Late Show with David Letterman runs out in 2015. Letterman is the longest-serving late night talk show host in the history of TV. YEAH. Suck on that, Leno! 

I can’t say I’m surprised, but I am still sad. I grew up watching Dave with my mom every night; the face of late night basically IS David Letterman to me! Though I have obviously grown to love the other guys like Conan and Jimmy, there will never be another Dave. You’ll be missed!

Teeny tiny trailer teases final season of TRUE BLOOD

After six seasons (only 3 of which were really stellar), HBO’s vampire soap True Blood will be making its final blood-soaked bow this summer. HBO announced today the seventh and final season will premiere Sunday, June 22. 

Watch this teeny tiny little teaser trailer to get you in the spooky mood. 

Apr 02

Watch this fan-made alternate HIMYM ending and weep at its perfection

AND JUST LIKE THAT ALL WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD AND THE MOTHER DOESN’T DIE AND EVERYTHING IS FINE. 

If only fans ruled the world. JESUS. 

image

Apr 01

[video]